Baby the First

I’ve written, rewritten, deleted, debated leaving it out, rewritten, deleted, this post many times, but here it is…

A month after our wedding we found out about our honeymoon baby. It was a shock and then some. But we were excited. I was between jobs and nervous about pregnancy and how everyone would react at my new job… and of course peoples inevitable judgements about a baby born nine months after a wedding.

Only a few days after the two pink lines, we lost the baby. The doctor deemed it a “chemical” pregnancy and told us that the baby never existed. (A chemical pregnancy is technically speaking when the egg is fertilized and does not implant).

I know better. My first baby exists, not on this earth, but he or she is already walking with Jesus.

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